my life is a mess.

...angelica panganiban said.

it would have sounded funny if i didn't know what it's like for your life to be such a BIG mess.

my life is a mess.

let me say that again. it's messier than the school's cafeteria. it's messier than my 'adopted' lil pamangkin's handwriting. it's messier than my room.

and it's not just that. it's gloomy and dark. and the hope of light rising from anywhere is slim. really slim.

why? you might ask.

well, the answer is rather short. my brain is experiencing severe case of mental block. it's not the the kind like dory's nor is it like the alzeimer patients. it's something different.

when i'm inside the classroom, i seem to understand everything the teacher's saying. until out of the blue my brain just stops absorbing and goes blank.

sometimes that's not the case. sometimes, i could understand everything from start to finish. but the minute i step out of the room it happens again. all that information just disappears into thin air and i couldn't remember anything.

now you might ask again, how is it connected..?

well, for an engineering student in iit, forgetting almost everything, like every single thing of her lessons rather, is suicide. it's worse than going to a war without your ammunitions. it's plain suicide.

and that my friends is why my life is a mess.

and if anyone..any single one could actually help me in this dilema..please do..

excited..!

wee! 2nd official thingy tomorrow..cant wait!^^

Life's Simple Pleasures.

_free bear hugs and kisses..exclusively given..heheh.^^

_the cool afternoon breeze

_mom in a generally good mood

_holding hands

_8 hours of sleep and then some

_laughing out loud..it's scarce nowadays..

_surfing until the wee hours in the morning w/o anyone telling you to go to bed..^^

_unlimited texts

wonder. wonder

if money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

why does a round pizza come in a square box?

why doesn't glue stickto its bottle?

why do you still call it building when its alreadybuilt?

if its true that we are here to help others, what are others here for?

if you aren't supposed to drink & drive why do bars have parking lots?



we are a funny bunch of people, living in a seriously funny world..don't you think?..^^


mimyaw gave this!! cute isn't it..hehehe..i'm so keeping it..!! tankyu!! *hugs*

wohoo.

i've never been this busy yet happy since my gradeschool years..heheh..ala lng..masaya.. college life sumposium ng mga freshmen ngayon..and we're the secretariat..oh dba, feeling important..heheh..^^ tapos in the afternoon coe gen. assembly and department orientation..^^ haaaay..ang daming first year..most of em the bright-eyed-awed-in-wonder kids..hahah..^^ pero they're cute din nman..then there's also the look-at-me-im-all-grown-up kids..emphasis on kids because that's what they still are..

pics!!

click here for more!!

nakakatawa din ang nangyari sa department orientations..we had our election for officers..tapos we nominated rhody, ann and von..tapos si rhody halos mamatay na sa hiya..heheh..mdyo na-inis na siguro yung si ate gracie kasi nman ang daming flying voters sa amin..heheh^^..tapos sa prince charming ni.nominate din namin si mike..ironic nga..heheh..rumampa talaga xa dunn..haaay mike..eto pics nya to see what i mean..



siya na talaga ang reyna ng kabaklaan..heheh..peace mike..labshu..^^

mimyaw gave me something and im keeping it..heheh..tankyu!! *kiss*

Dylata...

is my: bestfriend
imet her at: skul (michael's)
1 thing i noticed bout her is that: she's really smart
she always: smiles
she loves: to read
i love her bcoz: she's already lore like a sister to me
:i wanna ask: if shes ok and wats her problem?
my msg: i luv ya and im here for you always..^^
from:chit2

is my: friend
imet her at: skul
1 thing i noticed bout her is that: she's cute
she always: smile & talk
she loves: jared??he3
i love her bcoz: she's my friend
:i wanna ask: iam i cute?he3
my msg:stay as u r..godbless^^
from:myla

is my: friend
imet her at: txt
1 thing i noticed bout her is that: she's cute
she always: smiles
she loves: -
i love her bcoz: i just love her
i wanna ask:shekret
my msg:smile always^^
from:bryan

is my: friend
imet her at: ids
1 thing i noticed bout her is that: cute xa..heheh
she always: cnt think of any
she loves: smiles
i love her bcoz: i love her..ahihi
:i wanna ask: luv pud q nmo?
my msg:wabyu..mmmmmwah!^^
from:tootz

is my: friend
imet her at: ids
1 thing i noticed bout her is that: conservative type
she always: get hurt sa gugma
she loves: smile
i love her bcoz: friend mi
:i wanna ask: 4give na aq bestfriend..hehek
my msg: thank 4 being my friend..luv u dyl!^^
from:dawnie

is my: friend
imet her at: skul
1 thing i noticed bout her is that: she always smiles
she always: smile?
she loves: -
i love her bcoz: i js du
:i wanna ask: wazzup niggah?!
my msg:suya ko smo net T.T
from:aling

is my: BF
imet her at: IIT
1 thing i noticed bout her is that: she's vry artistic
she always: swear her eyeglasses..heheh..
she loves: me
i love her bcoz: she loves me too
:i wanna ask: y do birds sudenly apir?
my msg: has been read..waheheh..^^
from:jilai


heheh..malaki lng ulo ko ngayon..harhar..^^ i always smile..hmmm..ang sabihin nyo bungisngis akow..hahahah..^^ eh gusto kong happy always ang lyp eh..^^

noong bata akow..

proof daw toh that you enjoyed your childhood:

_nagbabye sa eroplanong dumaan kahit wala namang binababayan.

_naglaro ng chinese garter with the golden rule na..dead mader dead lahat..^^

_nagtapon ng slippers ng kalaro at tumakbo pra magtago.

_naglaro ng PSPS, habulan, pog, tex, manikang papel, balot candy, tansan, dampa, atbp.

_kabisado ang kantanglangit lupa..impyerno..

_nakipagbahay-bahayan

_ayaw matulog ng tanghali

_nakipagsuntukon/sabunutan sa kalaro, tapos tatayo ng matapang at aawatin ang kaantang...

nenenenene..hindi naman masakit! :p

yes sa lahat..naging masaya naman talaga ang kabataan ko..sana palagi na lang ako bata..heheh..para palaging masaya..simple lang buhay, walang hassle, walang stress..heheh..at nangarap nman ako ng gising..^^

i'm all screwed up.

i'm once again thrown in this turmoil.

i'm walking blindly in this eternal darkness.

without any idea where to go.

i need only one thing..

flashlight!

things i want to say...

...but can't :c

_i'm sorry. i didn't mean to say those things to you. i've been trying my best not to hurt you but somehow i still manage to squeeze that frail heart of yours into bits. i'm a JERK! so shoot me..

_i'm not angry. i'm sad, because after 4 months i'm still the same 'ol insensitive, stupid, biatch who doesn't know how to do anything right. i thought i have changed, but sadly, i haven't.

_ i want to cry. it hurts you know.

_i love you. i have no idea how to show how much i really do. somehow all i have given you are heartaches.

_ i do not spend for you because i wanted to give you something that really came from me. something personal. things i thought you'd be happy to have..turned out you'd rather have the libre and 'ol that..

_ i really do not have money right now. i'm broke. it isn't obvious, but i am. if i only have all the money in the world, i'll splurge it on you.

_pls. don;t take everything i say seriously. most of the time, i just wanted to banter and tease..but you weren't so happy bout that, guess i was wrong again..

_ you have nothing to be insecure about. i'm with you right. i thought that was enough & i don't have to prove anything..i was wrong in that too..

_ my friends are my friends and they will always be. i love them, yes and i like being with them. but please do NOT compare what i have with them to what we have. the difference is too vast. i'm happy with you, 'enuf said..just don't clam up just like that..


i do not want to tell you all these personally because i can't. i'd just burst into tears if i do and that's the least you'd want to see..a cry baby..

spy cam #1.

heheh..we followed my friend french and his special someone..nyaha..^^ nwe, 4 months and counting..hopefully haaay..sorry walang pics ayaw magpakuha ni mimyaw..i don't want to force him, baka magalit..haaay..bad trip xa..ewan ko kung bakit..he just clammed up and left me..haaay..i think it's my fault again..haaay..this is killing me..i could not take the paranoia..i didn't know he's this touchy..hes not like this nman before..so i have no idea what to do..advices anyone?..*sniff*

take my heart back.

"At this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, that war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world. 6 billion souls. And sometimes, all you need is one."

-Peyton Sawyer,
One Tree Hill

song of the moment:

It'll be alright
You said
Tommorrow
Don't you cry
Don't you shed a tear
When you wake up
I will still be here
When you wake up
We'll battle all your fears
And now I'll...

Take my heart back
Leave your pictures on the floor
Steal back my memories
I can't take it anymore
I've cried my eyes out
Oh,and now I face the years
The way you loved me
Vanished all the tears

Just a little more time was all we needed
Just a little time for me to see
Oh,the light that life can give you
Oh,how we get such a free
So now I'll...

Take my heart back
Leave your pictures on the floor
Steal back my memories
I can't take it anymore
I've cried my eyes out
Oh,and now I face the years
The way you loved me
Vanished all the tear

-----死神-----

nasasabik sa unang araw ng eskwela...

first day of school, laging may kaba sino ba nman ang gustong mag-isa. well, i'm not alone pero mag-isa akong babae sa sked ko. im happy naman coz im with mimyaw 24/7 na and he doesn't have to wait for my classes to finish. but it's sad din coz hindi ko na klasmyts ang bestbuds kow [jilai, rhody,arvin] :c oh well, that's life you have to sacrifice something..hahaaay..i'll see you guys around na lng..

nwe, i have a very scary old teacher for ES 85..scary really!! it's like you're grandpa making sermon to you..goodluck to me..goodluck to us na lang..we all need it..

-----死神-----

my camera is fixed!!^^ ain't that happy!! thanks to elaine and this guy she knows who fixes things for free [pagwala ang amo..heheh]..basta thank you people..lyf ain't that bad after all..^^ anyway, elaine told me something bout the guy who fixed my camera. heheh..amo cya gilibak..hacker daw yun. hinack nya ang database ng school namin tapos he changed all his course grades to 1.0 [highest na yan sa amin..baligtad sa ibang skul] edi 1.00 GPA nya..so shock skul namin syempre..so ayun kick out..heheh..eh bakit nman kasi pinalitan ng 1.0 lahat ng grades, bakit hindi na lang niya nilagyan nang variation..tsktsk..

blank.

i went with awen. tweeky, aisa and ritz sa city kanina. they're buying their tickets for silli..haaay..sad..they're going away again..sad aU..

saw earl!!! wee!! and his girlfriend..i didn't get her name..something lyk nerly or jerly..haaay..bungol ko..^^

pics..

the late earl..

cheke, aisa

flashbacks..

more flashbacks...

ikatlong taon.

sa lahat ng tamad mag-aral
sa mga di nakikinig sa prof
sa mga natutulog lang sa klase
sa laging walang assignment
sa ating lahat
CONDOLENCE...

malapit na pasukan..

i'm now officially a 3rd year ECE student..enrolled na talaga akow..!^^ haaay..mixed feeling..masaya na nakakatakot din..masaya dahil at last umabot din ako dito..may takot dahil dito sinasala lahat ng studyante at usually halos wala ng natitira pagkatapos ng salaan..haaay..gud lak na lang to all of us..

jil still doesn't have her grades sa physics 41..kasi ang sabi she lacked 3 points to pass..sayang na man..we're making hangyo sana pero wala teacher namin eh..nag-out of the country pa raw, mga next week pa ang balik..so yeah, 6 units lang ang pwedeng makuha ni jil sa ngayon..hindi nya pwede kunin ibang majors namin..poor jil..

i dont want school to start yet..! huhuh..ngayon ko pa lang na.eenjoy summer kow..uurggh!

-----死神-----

text msg from elaine:

i've always wnated to be free
to fly away & never return
to soar up high till the height may never be seen...

but then somewhere beyond that
i wish to be owned
to be held and
to have never been let go..

aww..